The single most useful thing I built into my book Blame Yourself is a short practice at the end of every chapter called the Mirror Moment.
It's not a journaling prompt. It's not gratitude work. It's not affirmations. It's a five-minute exercise — usually four or five questions, sometimes a single sentence to finish — designed to surface where blame is hiding in your life right now and turn it into a move you can make today.
This post is the standalone version. You don't need the book to do it. You won't even need a pen if you don't want one.
But you do need to be honest. That's the only requirement.
Step 1 — Pick the friction
Close your eyes for a second. Think about your day so far.
What's the one situation, decision, conversation, or recurring thought that's pulling on you most? Not the worst thing — the most active thing. The one your brain keeps returning to even when you're doing something else.
Got it? Hold it.
Step 2 — Say the explanation out loud
Now, in one sentence, finish this:
"The reason this is the way it is right now is _____________."
Say it. Out loud if you can. (Yes, even if you're at work. Whisper it.)
Most people, the first sentence they speak names something external. The reason this is the way it is right now is because my boss… / because the market… / because she said… / because the timing…
That's fine. That's expected. We're not arguing with the first answer. We're just getting it on the table.
Step 3 — Test the sentence with one question
Now ask:
"Is this 100% true?"
Not "is there some truth to it." Not "is it understandable." Is the sentence you just said literally 100% true?
Almost always, no.
Your boss isn't the reason. Your boss is a reason — alongside the request you didn't make, the conversation you avoided, the boundary you didn't set, the work you delayed, the standard you didn't enforce on yourself.
The market isn't the reason. The market is a reason — alongside the inventory choice, the pricing choice, the timing choice, the people choice.
She didn't make you feel that way. She did a thing. You feel a thing. The feeling has a long history that predates her, and the response is yours to choose.
When you ask "is this 100% true?" the wall cracks. Not because external reasons aren't real — they are — but because none of them are complete.
Step 4 — Find the part that's yours
Now the move. Finish this sentence:
"The part of this that I'm responsible for is _____________."
This is the Mirror Moment proper. The whole exercise is built to get you to this sentence.
The "part that's yours" might be:
- An action you didn't take
- A conversation you avoided
- A standard you let slip
- A pattern you've repeated for years
- A story you've been telling yourself that isn't serving you
- An emotional reaction you keep defaulting to
- A boundary you keep meaning to set
- A skill you haven't developed
- A truth you haven't said out loud
It doesn't have to be a big thing. The part that's yours is often small. I haven't asked. I haven't started. I haven't told them. I've been waiting for permission.
Small and yours is the magic combination. Big and not yours is the trap.
Step 5 — One concrete move you'll make today
Finish this sentence:
"By the end of today, I will _____________."
Make it small. Make it specific. Make it doable in under an hour.
Not "I will be more direct in conversations going forward." That's a vow, not a move. Make it: "I will send the email I've been putting off to ____, asking specifically for ____."
Not "I will start working out." Make it: "At 6pm today I will put on shoes and walk for twenty minutes."
Not "I will be a better parent." Make it: "Tonight at dinner I will ask my daughter what she's worried about right now and listen for two minutes without offering advice."
Small enough to do today. Specific enough that you'll know whether you did it or not. The point isn't transformation. The point is one move, today, that's yours.
Step 6 — Actually do it
This is where most exercises fail. The point isn't the journaling. The point is the act.
Do the thing you just named. Today. Not tomorrow. Not "this week."
If the move is small and specific, you'll do it. If it isn't, go back to Step 5 and make it smaller.
That's the entire exercise.
Why this works
It works because it bypasses the entire self-help machinery — the visualizing, the affirming, the gratitude listing, the manifesting — and lands directly on a behavior change you can do today without anyone's permission.
It works because it doesn't ask you to feel anything different. You can do the Mirror Moment angry, sad, resentful, exhausted, or in the middle of a fight. The feelings can come along for the ride. The move still gets made.
It works because it's daily. One Mirror Moment doesn't change a life. A hundred Mirror Moments — one a day for three months — actually does.
I designed this book to give you twenty Mirror Moments — one at the end of each chapter, anchored to a specific film. Whiplash makes you confront the question of whether anyone is actually watching. Rocky makes you confront the question of whether you're waiting on motivation to arrive. The Matrix makes you confront the question of whose permission you're still waiting for.
If you want the full set, Blame Yourself is 100 pages — free on Kindle Unlimited, $8.99 to buy outright, or $14.99 / $24.99 if you prefer print. It's designed to read one chapter at a time, one Mirror Moment per day.
But you don't need the book to do the exercise. You just need five minutes and the willingness to ask the question.
The mirror's already there. You're the one who decides whether to look.
*Bobby Morong is the author of Blame Yourself: How Radical Responsibility Transforms Everything. He taught Physical Education and Special Education for 20 years in the Boston area before relocating to San Diego in 2022 to commercialize Training Ties. He co-hosts the Slept-On Cinema podcast.*